Circles for growth

Its been a very long time since I posted and there have been a ton of things that have happened since. Quick update I got engaged, started a new postion in Haiti, Cholera broke out in Haiti and I got caught in a crossfire between UN police and Rioters, there was a Presidential Election, I was nearly shot by the border police, I was in motor cycle accident, I moved out of Haiti to the Dominican, I changed positions within HOPE, I got married, my wife got her travel visa, and we made our first trip together as a family. I have had a busy couple of years and I am grateful for the people that have both positively and negatively impacted me over this time. Why? I recognize that we are a product of our experiences and I am who I am today based on every conversation, look, pat on the back, gun waved, bottle thrown, hug, handshake, and email I’ve ever received. Thanks folks.
I guess you are wondering why I am jumping back on wordpress after two years of being away. I guess I am as well and it comes in part from a line from a song I’ve been listening to. Andy Mineo says” the fastest way to look foolish is to talk about obedience, then turn around and never do it.” I think we’d all get a giggle at a poodle with a loud speaker trying to be a guard dog…makes me laugh just picturing it.

I say all this to say that if I tell others to do something and don’t do it, that makes me a bit of a hypocrite. In Jesus’ time a hypocrite was one of the worst things you could be called…recognizing hypocrisy in your life in light of the scriptures in a humbling experience. How great is our God’s forgiveness of our wretchedness!

Things are coming full circle for me in part because about 4years ago I was having an interview about coming down and taking a position as an intern in Haiti and yesterday I had an introductory conversation with an intern that I will be helping to supervise for the next 6months. It was interesting to be on the other side of the conversation. “With great power comes great responsibility” As I spoke to the young man I thought about how I was served and ushered into growth and began to think about things I can do to spur growth and development in the time that we’ll spend together in a way that is mutually beneficial for him and the organization.

More frequent updates to come soon

Shalom

enagagement story (p1)

This blog entry is long overdue and there have been several other occurrences since the big day. When speaking about the big day I mean the day I proposed. I must say that it turned out being pretty smooth but I know that God’s hand was all up in the workings of the situation and He made things work out the way they did. Let me tell you how things happened and I’ll piece in the back story and post story along the way.

So, my girlfriend and I had been dating for under a year at the time we first spoke about marriage. I was really comfortable with the conversation because even before I officially told her that I had feelings for her, I had a super strong feeling that she was the woman I was going to marry. She had all the qualities I was looking for in woman and a way really inspired me to be a better me. I had never experienced anything like it prior to meeting her and since meeting her I have yet to ever experience that again.

To say the least she is special and I love her.  I think my concept of love has changed and with its change I find myself taking every potential argument as a learning moment, every disagreement as a window into culture and her communication style, and every inconvenience as an opportunity to show/demonstrate the sacrificial love that as a man I am called to have for my wife. In all this I digress as to give a background on our relationship before telling the story of our engagement.

The story actually started back in November when I decided that I wanted to pop the question.  Looking at the calendar for 2010 I realized that Valentine’s Day was going to fall on a Sunday. In my head I played around the idea of showing up at her church with a bouquet of flowers, I thought that would be a bit dramatic. I still really like the idea of a surprise Valentine’s Day proposal.  When I was in the states over the Christmas season I told my family that I wanted to propose and I started to look around for rings. The ring search was educational but not fruitful, especially with the adverse effects of uneducated decisions on my credit.  So returning to the island after the holidays, I was disappointed yet hopeful that things would work out for the best.

It was late-January and I was awoken by a phone call from Karen. She called to say hello, she loved me, and to wish me a good day. I got off the phone in a sort of aw of how much love there is and I kinda told God I want to get married. I say told vs. ask because it felt more demanding than pleading, but with a passion that almost caused me to cry. I’m not sure what that would be classified as.

I think the quake happening a week prior gave me an interesting perspective on family and future plans. It helped me to realize that there is no time like the present. Your loved ones need to always know their value to you, that you love them.  After your relationship with God there is nothing more important with your relationship with your family and loved ones. With this all in mind, I decided/realized that I really wanted to get married.

Two days after my passionate prayer I was in the office working on a Kiva story and I was IM’d by Jordan, a co-worker of mines who is also the Kiva coordinator. In talking briefly to him it came up fairly quickly that I wanted to get married, but was bummed because my credit got denied when I was in the states and it looked like my sweet plan to surprise my girl w/a valentine’s day proposal wasn’t going to happen. He then told me that he may be able to help me out because he knew a bunch of jewelers in south Florida. He would see if he could pull some strings. I almost jumped out of my chair with joy and excitement. Renewed hope at the possibility of getting engaged made my heart pound like I just scored the game winner on a fast break.

We came up with the idea to use a sort of sappy story about how in the midst of tragedy how I wanted to make a lifetime commitment. He wrote something up and I reviewed, added, and corrected it. He sent it off and a couple of days later we got a response. The response wasn’t what I wanted it to be and the prices without a payment plan would still be out of my range. When we asked the jeweler  about payment plans he said that he didn’t recommend getting into debt for the ring. He suggested a CZ ring that was a little less expensive.

I ran all this by my brother and in his voice I felt him make a face at the idea of a CZ ring. He suggested that I look on overstock.com. I did just that and found some pretty nice stuff for much less than what the Florida jeweler was telling and I told Jordan that I decided to go a different route with the ring. My poking around led me to a site for a California based company called Jewelry By Novel,  www.jewelrybynovel.com On this site I found exactly what I wanted and within the price range I was looking for. The prices were so good I actually didn’t believe it was real. So before I ordered I called to confirm that a person would pick up the phone. They picked up. I ended up ordering up a 1ct round cut solitaire diamond ring with white gold casing for less than $200 more than what the jeweler was going to charge me for a CZ ring of the same size. Now the only problem was getting the ring from California to the Dominican Republic in 8 or so days.

The transport was made easier because I happened to have a member of my staff coming from the states to the US the week of my proposal. So I ended up bringing Justin in on the deal. I had the ring overnight delivered to the office in Lancaster, PA and he was supposed to bring it down with him to the island on his trip down. After some challenging weather, delayed deliveries,  pick ups and handoffs the ring was in Justin’s hand and on the way down to the DR. My bus from the boarder ended up getting into Santo Domingo later than I wanted it to and he handed the ring off to another one of my co-workers, Claire… (to be continued)

updating

So the past month and a half has been eventful to say the least. The country is still recovering and there have been over 40+ aftershocks since January 12th. I decided to go through with a plan of mines and proposed to my girlfriend…fiancé now. I swapped from being an intern to a fulltime employee after some interesting communication. The internet in the office is out again and work is a little backed up to say the least.
I’ve learned that my ability to laugh off hard times and situations isn’t only a family trait but something that I most likely inherited from my Haitian ancestors. After the quake I realized that the majority of people in the country if not all were impacted…myself included. People lost friends, family, neighbors, significant others, parents, children, aunts, uncles, cousins, classmates, leaders, and nearly any and every other type of relationship possible. I lost some cousins, distant as they were, it hurt. There are still aftershocks happening. On the news I heard there was one this morning and the one that hit yesterday caused some damage to Jeremie, according to my mom. It’s a scary time to be here and for weeks there was talk about Cap Haitien, where I live, being struck being hit with an earth quake. The heavy rains caused a landslide and crushed a school, killing 4 children and a teacher. The mayor of Cap Haitien has re-issued the closing of schools in the city. Yet, in spite of all of this suffering and hurting we still find a way to joke and jest about life and hardtimes. On Sunday I was playing basketball with a guy who’s nickname was “Decomb” which translates to rubble. He escaped un harmed from a collapsed building in Port au Prince basically un harmed.
Organizationally , I was happy to be able to aid and support the relief work by sending buses to the capital to get people from the north as well as support food distribution and medical attention to those impacted by the quake. At the same time I realize as an org that is focused more on the long-term economic development of the nation we have other things to be doing. Partnerships are great and as long as they can work well, we are thus able to better serve. I look forward to more impactful relationships with other organizations and groups.
My experience and desire to serve is part of the reason why I think I was offered the position as a fulltime employee in Haiti. I’m the 1st of many things for Hope International in Haiti. I was the 1st intern in Haiti and now the 1st employee serving as an expatriate. There were some complications and communication issues that we were happily able to resolve. I was in a staff devotional yesterday and my director encouraged the staff to treat Esperanza as a personal belonging/investment eg looking at the efficiency and effectiveness as our own benefits/profits. Paul Farmer from Mountain beyond mountains speaks about being called a saint because of his work and he replies “…I’d need to do more work because being a saint would be nice.” I don’t know if I’m looking for sainthood, but I share the ideals of dedication to a work that is greater than you, a work that will outlive you, a work that sometimes makes you wonder if you are making a dent or progress in the right direction at all. Yet like so many others that could be doing something else and making more financially, I’ve decided to answer the call to serve those who otherwise couldn’t help themselves. There will be a time where I will want to re-evaluate my situation but it’s a great feeling when you know you are making a living while making a difference in the lives of many.
The story of my engagement should be a blog entry of its own and I will not jip/ cheat out (I didn’t think jip was a real word…who knew) my readers from the intricacies of the hand of God. So stay updated for the engagement story.
The internet issue in the office is not a result of non-payment or credit card processing problems. This time it’s a mechanical problem and may take a little longer than we would like to get resolved. This issue also highlighted some of the dishonesty of some of the systems in Haiti. For the piece we needed, LNB, we were asked by our internet service guys 350-400usd to replace it. For us, not knowing, and trusting the guy we asked him to look into it and our end we asked our IT guys in the DR. The initial estimate of the cost for the LNB, the part of the satellite that receives the signal, was around 600 pesos which is the equivalent of about 17.50usd. David, the national director, and I joked about going into business and selling LNB’s in Haiti after we heard the news/price. Even as we joked we understood the seriousness of the price gouging that we nearly were victim to. We are hoping to have the internet back up and running this week.

emotional soup

So it’s been about 27 hours or so since the largest earthquake in about 200yrs devastated Haiti’s most populated and capital city, Port-au-Prince. When the vibrations from the quake hit Cap Haitian I was on the back of a motor cycle and told the driver he should “get his shocks looked at” only to later to find out it was the ground shaking under the motor cycle that caused the noise I heard. Those who know me know my nearly ever present sense of humor but this is actually pretty difficult to write because there are a ton of emotions that are rolling around inside of me…a sort of emotional soup bubbling in my stomach.
I’m happy to be alive and happy to have spoken to my brother in law soon after the event. I was happy to hear that he spoke to my mom & dad, currently outside of Jeremie, and they were fine. I was happy to hear that my brother, who is in the states, spoke to my sister who lives close to the international airport in the capital, and she was fine. I’m happy to have spoken to a couple of my co-workers, who stopped by my apartment to check in on me. I was happy to connect with some of my co workers, family, friends, and my g.f. ( side note: I really want to change that to fiancé soon) online via Skype, Facebook, and Google talk. I’m happy that I’m going to have a bowl of golden grahams for dinner( side note I love that cereal and if you would like to bring me a cheap gift next time you’re on your way to the island you can bring me some ). I’m happy the electricity company has done such a great job over the last few days…we’ve had electricity for the past few days 90+% of the time which is been great because so many of the outdoor activities have been adversely impacted by this rain.
Yet looking all of these joy-filled occurrences in the nose are frustrations and annoyances. I’m annoyed that I have a ridiculous amount of mosquitoes in my house and I’m running low on “OFF!” I’m annoyed at myself that I just forgot to buy it when I was in the states. Next time I will make a list of things to buy when going to the states. I’m annoyed that if I were to buy it here it’d be like 15usd (shaking head)…I’ll look into getting some next time I’m on the DR side of the island. I’m annoyed that my phones haven’t worked since last night after talking to my brother in law, Josue. I’m annoyed at the fact that the nation’s political structure is reflective of the mentality of the leadership often times…concentrated power in one place or person. This leads to lack of growth & innovation and susceptibility to toppling. Look at a bottle, it’s normally more stable when the bottom is on the ground or table or whatever surface or take a more extreme example: are you more stable when standing on your head or on your feet? Obviously, you are more stable on your feet because the weight is distributed on your feet giving you the ability to adjust when necessary and rarely fall. If an ant crawls into your nose when standing on your head you are likely to fall…where on your feet it’d be a simple lift and squish. But I digress, I’m frustrated…maybe more annoyed that it has been raining non-stop over here for the past few days and small boats could dock in front of my house now. The water is knee deep for me in some places, both inside and outside the city closer to my house, which says a lot because I’m not a small guy (6ft, 207lbs).
The frustration is coupled with a bit of fear as well. Personally, walking through the water which has combinations of dirt, trash, animal and human waste( probably not as much feces but there’s no doubt about urine, bathwater, and mucus) in it was scary because I realized when I got home that I had a small open wound on the back of my ankle that was exposed to the water. I put some hand-sanitizer on it and washed it but just the imagining of the type of negative potential is a little scary. I’m scared for the neighbors and associates that live in the mountain side communities. With the heavy rain, earthquake, and aftershocks their homes are much more susceptible to landslides. I’m scared that the lack of infra structure and regualtions will claim more lives than the natural disaster should’ve claimed. I’m scared for the future of the nation because the rebuilding will need to be on a whole other level…seemingly from square 2. I don’t say square 1 because we already have people…in my humble opinion it may as well be square -1 because so many of the people that we have or could I say had were severely injured because they were in senate meetings when the earthquake hit. So many government offices were destroyed…the ones I remember were the office of the minister of justice, minister of finance, of public health, and even the national palace are all a mess and structurally useless w/o some major work. So many schools and hospitals collapsed and that means students, educators and those who could help provide relief to the situation are most likely among those who lost their lives. I’m scared for the family members who I have yet to speak to that they don’t make a part of the death toll. The prime said that he estimates the death toll to be around 100,000 people but we won’t know for days 1 because there are so may collapsed buildings to dig people out of 2 there is still no communication with cell phones or 2/3 of them anyways. I’m scared that people will lose hope because they see that so many of their leaders are injured or their places of refuge and support are in distress. Can you imagine seeing the dome of the white house caved in? How would that make you feel as an American? I’m scared for all the aid that will come into Haiti…that the leaders will milk it for more than necessary and those that really need it won’t get it. That they’ll send their kids to school in foreign countries with the aid $ while kids in the impacted area die of starvation and walk the streets naked (there were reports of that happening after the flooding of Gonaives). I’m scared that the nation will become more dependent on foreign aid and take another step back in its development. Random fact: around its independence the sum of Haiti’s exports exceeded the sum of the U.S.’s exports…oh how times have changed.
My heart weeps for my people.

emotional soup

So it’s been about 27 hours or so since the largest earthquake in about 200yrs devastated Haiti’s most populated and capital city, Port-au-Prince. When the vibrations from the quake hit Cap Haitian I was on the back of a motor cycle and told the driver he should “get his shocks looked at” only to later to find out it was the ground shaking under the motor cycle that caused the noise I heard. Those who know me know my nearly ever present sense of humor but this is actually pretty difficult to write because there are a ton of emotions that are rolling around inside of me…a sort of emotional soup bubbling in my stomach.
I’m happy to be alive and happy to have spoken to my brother in law soon after the event. I was happy to hear that he spoke to my mom & dad, currently outside of Jeremie, and they were fine. I was happy to hear that my brother, who is in the states, spoke to my sister who lives close to the international airport in the capital, and she was fine. I’m happy to have spoken to a couple of my co-workers, who stopped by my apartment to check in on me. I was happy to connect with some of my co workers, family, friends, and my g.f. ( side note: I really want to change that to fiancé soon) online via Skype, Facebook, and Google talk. I’m happy that I’m going to have a bowl of golden grahams for dinner( side note I love that cereal and if you would like to bring me a cheap gift next time you’re on your way to the island you can bring me some ). I’m happy the electricity company has done such a great job over the last few days…we’ve had electricity for the past few days 90+% of the time which is been great because so many of the outdoor activities have been adversely impacted by this rain.
Yet looking all of these joy-filled occurrences in the nose are frustrations and annoyances. I’m annoyed that I have a ridiculous amount of mosquitoes in my house and I’m running low on “OFF!” I’m annoyed at myself that I just forgot to buy it when I was in the states. Next time I will make a list of things to buy when going to the states. I’m annoyed that if I were to buy it here it’d be like 15usd (shaking head)…I’ll look into getting some next time I’m on the DR side of the island. I’m annoyed that my phones haven’t worked since last night after talking to my brother in law, Josue. I’m annoyed at the fact that the nation’s political structure is reflective of the mentality of the leadership often times…concentrated power in one place or person. This leads to lack of growth & innovation and susceptibility to toppling. Look at a bottle, it’s normally more stable when the bottom is on the ground or table or whatever surface or take a more extreme example: are you more stable when standing on your head or on your feet? Obviously, you are more stable on your feet because the weight is distributed on your feet giving you the ability to adjust when necessary and rarely fall. If an ant crawls into your nose when standing on your head you are likely to fall…where on your feet it’d be a simple lift and squish. But I digress, I’m frustrated…maybe more annoyed that it has been raining non-stop over here for the past few days and small boats could dock in front of my house now. The water is knee deep for me in some places, both inside and outside the city closer to my house, which says a lot because I’m not a small guy (6ft, 207lbs).
The frustration is coupled with a bit of fear as well. Personally, walking through the water which has combinations of dirt, trash, animal and human waste( probably not as much feces but there’s no doubt about urine, bathwater, and mucus) in it was scary because I realized when I got home that I had a small open wound on the back of my ankle that was exposed to the water. I put some hand-sanitizer on it and washed it but just the imagining of the type of negative potential is a little scary. I’m scared for the neighbors and associates that live in the mountain side communities. With the heavy rain, earthquake, and aftershocks their homes are much more susceptible to landslides. I’m scared that the lack of infra structure and regualtions will claim more lives than the natural disaster should’ve claimed. I’m scared for the future of the nation because the rebuilding will need to be on a whole other level…seemingly from square 2. I don’t say square 1 because we already have people…in my humble opinion it may as well be square -1 because so many of the people that we have or could I say had were severely injured because they were in senate meetings when the earthquake hit. So many government offices were destroyed…the ones I remember were the office of the minister of justice, minister of finance, of public health, and even the national palace are all a mess and structurally useless w/o some major work. So many schools and hospitals collapsed and that means students, educators and those who could help provide relief to the situation are most likely among those who lost their lives. I’m scared for the family members who I have yet to speak to that they don’t make a part of the death toll. The prime said that he estimates the death toll to be around 100,000 people but we won’t know for days 1 because there are so may collapsed buildings to dig people out of 2 there is still no communication with cell phones or 2/3 of them anyways. I’m scared that people will lose hope because they see that so many of their leaders are injured or their places of refuge and support are in distress. Can you imagine seeing the dome of the white house caved in? How would that make you feel as an American? I’m scared for all the aid that will come into Haiti…that the leaders will milk it for more than necessary and those that really need it won’t get it. That they’ll send their kids to school in foreign countries with the aid $ while kids in the impacted area die of starvation and walk the streets naked (there were reports of that happening after the flooding of Gonaives). I’m scared that the nation will become more dependent on foreign aid and take another step back in its development. Random fact: around its independence the sum of Haiti’s exports exceeded the sum of the U.S.’s exports…oh how times have changed.
My heart weeps for my people.

emotional soup

So it’s been about 27 hours or so since the largest earthquake in about 200yrs devastated Haiti’s most populated and capital city, Port-au-Prince. When the vibrations from the quake hit Cap Haitian I was on the back of a motor cycle and told the driver he should “get his shocks looked at” only to later to find out it was the ground shaking under the motor cycle that caused the noise I heard. Those who know me know my nearly ever present sense of humor but this is actually pretty difficult to write because there are a ton of emotions that are rolling around inside of me…a sort of emotional soup bubbling in my stomach.
I’m happy to be alive and happy to have spoken to my brother in law soon after the event. I was happy to hear that he spoke to my mom & dad, currently outside of Jeremie, and they were fine. I was happy to hear that my brother, who is in the states, spoke to my sister who lives close to the international airport in the capital, and she was fine. I’m happy to have spoken to a couple of my co-workers, who stopped by my apartment to check in on me. I was happy to connect with some of my co workers, family, friends, and my g.f. ( side note: I really want to change that to fiancé soon) online via Skype, Facebook, and Google talk. I’m happy that I’m going to have a bowl of golden grahams for dinner( side note I love that cereal and if you would like to bring me a cheap gift next time you’re on your way to the island you can bring me some ). I’m happy the electricity company has done such a great job over the last few days…we’ve had electricity for the past few days 90+% of the time which is been great because so many of the outdoor activities have been adversely impacted by this rain.
Yet looking all of these joy-filled occurrences in the nose are frustrations and annoyances. I’m annoyed that I have a ridiculous amount of mosquitoes in my house and I’m running low on “OFF!” I’m annoyed at myself that I just forgot to buy it when I was in the states. Next time I will make a list of things to buy when going to the states. I’m annoyed that if I were to buy it here it’d be like 15usd (shaking head)…I’ll look into getting some next time I’m on the DR side of the island. I’m annoyed that my phones haven’t worked since last night after talking to my brother in law, Josue. I’m annoyed at the fact that the nation’s political structure is reflective of the mentality of the leadership often times…concentrated power in one place or person. This leads to lack of growth & innovation and susceptibility to toppling. Look at a bottle, it’s normally more stable when the bottom is on the ground or table or whatever surface or take a more extreme example: are you more stable when standing on your head or on your feet? Obviously, you are more stable on your feet because the weight is distributed on your feet giving you the ability to adjust when necessary and rarely fall. If an ant crawls into your nose when standing on your head you are likely to fall…where on your feet it’d be a simple lift and squish. But I digress, I’m frustrated…maybe more annoyed that it has been raining non-stop over here for the past few days and small boats could dock in front of my house now. The water is knee deep for me in some places, both inside and outside the city closer to my house, which says a lot because I’m not a small guy (6ft, 207lbs).
The frustration is coupled with a bit of fear as well. Personally, walking through the water which has combinations of dirt, trash, animal and human waste( probably not as much feces but there’s no doubt about urine, bathwater, and mucus) in it was scary because I realized when I got home that I had a small open wound on the back of my ankle that was exposed to the water. I put some hand-sanitizer on it and washed it but just the imagining of the type of negative potential is a little scary. I’m scared for the neighbors and associates that live in the mountain side communities. With the heavy rain, earthquake, and aftershocks their homes are much more susceptible to landslides. I’m scared that the lack of infra structure and regualtions will claim more lives than the natural disaster should’ve claimed. I’m scared for the future of the nation because the rebuilding will need to be on a whole other level…seemingly from square 2. I don’t say square 1 because we already have people…in my humble opinion it may as well be square -1 because so many of the people that we have or could I say had were severely injured because they were in senate meetings when the earthquake hit. So many government offices were destroyed…the ones I remember were the office of the minister of justice, minister of finance, of public health, and even the national palace are all a mess and structurally useless w/o some major work. So many schools and hospitals collapsed and that means students, educators and those who could help provide relief to the situation are most likely among those who lost their lives. I’m scared for the family members who I have yet to speak to that they don’t make a part of the death toll. The prime said that he estimates the death toll to be around 100,000 people but we won’t know for days 1 because there are so may collapsed buildings to dig people out of 2 there is still no communication with cell phones or 2/3 of them anyways. I’m scared that people will lose hope because they see that so many of their leaders are injured or their places of refuge and support are in distress. Can you imagine seeing the dome of the white house caved in? How would that make you feel as an American? I’m scared for all the aid that will come into Haiti…that the leaders will milk it for more than necessary and those that really need it won’t get it. That they’ll send their kids to school in foreign countries with the aid $ while kids in the impacted area die of starvation and walk the streets naked (there were reports of that happening after the flooding of Gonaives). I’m scared that the nation will become more dependent on foreign aid and take another step back in its development. Random fact: around its independence the sum of Haiti’s exports exceeded the sum of the U.S.’s exports…oh how times have changed.
My heart weeps for my people.

emotional soup

So it’s been about 27 hours or so since the largest earthquake in about 200yrs devastated Haiti’s most populated and capital city, Port-au-Prince. When the vibrations from the quake hit Cap Haitian I was on the back of a motor cycle and told the driver he should “get his shocks looked at” only to later to find out it was the ground shaking under the motor cycle that caused the noise I heard. Those who know me know my nearly ever present sense of humor but this is actually pretty difficult to write because there are a ton of emotions that are rolling around inside of me…a sort of emotional soup bubbling in my stomach.
I’m happy to be alive and happy to have spoken to my brother in law soon after the event. I was happy to hear that he spoke to my mom & dad, currently outside of Jeremie, and they were fine. I was happy to hear that my brother, who is in the states, spoke to my sister who lives close to the international airport in the capital, and she was fine. I’m happy to have spoken to a couple of my co-workers, who stopped by my apartment to check in on me. I was happy to connect with some of my co workers, family, friends, and my g.f. ( side note: I really want to change that to fiancé soon) online via Skype, Facebook, and Google talk. I’m happy that I’m going to have a bowl of golden grahams for dinner( side note I love that cereal and if you would like to bring me a cheap gift next time you’re on your way to the island you can bring me some ). I’m happy the electricity company has done such a great job over the last few days…we’ve had electricity for the past few days 90+% of the time which is been great because so many of the outdoor activities have been adversely impacted by this rain.
Yet looking all of these joy-filled occurrences in the nose are frustrations and annoyances. I’m annoyed that I have a ridiculous amount of mosquitoes in my house and I’m running low on “OFF!” I’m annoyed at myself that I just forgot to buy it when I was in the states. Next time I will make a list of things to buy when going to the states. I’m annoyed that if I were to buy it here it’d be like 15usd (shaking head)…I’ll look into getting some next time I’m on the DR side of the island. I’m annoyed that my phones haven’t worked since last night after talking to my brother in law, Josue. I’m annoyed at the fact that the nation’s political structure is reflective of the mentality of the leadership often times…concentrated power in one place or person. This leads to lack of growth & innovation and susceptibility to toppling. Look at a bottle, it’s normally more stable when the bottom is on the ground or table or whatever surface or take a more extreme example: are you more stable when standing on your head or on your feet? Obviously, you are more stable on your feet because the weight is distributed on your feet giving you the ability to adjust when necessary and rarely fall. If an ant crawls into your nose when standing on your head you are likely to fall…where on your feet it’d be a simple lift and squish. But I digress, I’m frustrated…maybe more annoyed that it has been raining non-stop over here for the past few days and small boats could dock in front of my house now. The water is knee deep for me in some places, both inside and outside the city closer to my house, which says a lot because I’m not a small guy (6ft, 207lbs).
The frustration is coupled with a bit of fear as well. Personally, walking through the water which has combinations of dirt, trash, animal and human waste( probably not as much feces but there’s no doubt about urine, bathwater, and mucus) in it was scary because I realized when I got home that I had a small open wound on the back of my ankle that was exposed to the water. I put some hand-sanitizer on it and washed it but just the imagining of the type of negative potential is a little scary. I’m scared for the neighbors and associates that live in the mountain side communities. With the heavy rain, earthquake, and aftershocks their homes are much more susceptible to landslides. I’m scared that the lack of infra structure and regualtions will claim more lives than the natural disaster should’ve claimed. I’m scared for the future of the nation because the rebuilding will need to be on a whole other level…seemingly from square 2. I don’t say square 1 because we already have people…in my humble opinion it may as well be square -1 because so many of the people that we have or could I say had were severely injured because they were in senate meetings when the earthquake hit. So many government offices were destroyed…the ones I remember were the office of the minister of justice, minister of finance, of public health, and even the national palace are all a mess and structurally useless w/o some major work. So many schools and hospitals collapsed and that means students, educators and those who could help provide relief to the situation are most likely among those who lost their lives. I’m scared for the family members who I have yet to speak to that they don’t make a part of the death toll. The prime said that he estimates the death toll to be around 100,000 people but we won’t know for days 1 because there are so may collapsed buildings to dig people out of 2 there is still no communication with cell phones or 2/3 of them anyways. I’m scared that people will lose hope because they see that so many of their leaders are injured or their places of refuge and support are in distress. Can you imagine seeing the dome of the white house caved in? How would that make you feel as an American? I’m scared for all the aid that will come into Haiti…that the leaders will milk it for more than necessary and those that really need it won’t get it. That they’ll send their kids to school in foreign countries with the aid $ while kids in the impacted area die of starvation and walk the streets naked (there were reports of that happening after the flooding of Gonaives). I’m scared that the nation will become more dependent on foreign aid and take another step back in its development. Random fact: around its independence the sum of Haiti’s exports exceeded the sum of the U.S.’s exports…oh how times have changed.
My heart weeps for my people.

rainy sunday reflections

So it’s a Sunday afternoon in January and I’m back in Haiti. To think a week ago I was unable to go to my normal church because of a snow storm…service was cancelled. Today I spent the 1st five minutes in church trying to cool down from the 7 block walk from where the “tap-tap”, what they call public cars that just do one main strip continuously, drops me off to where my church is located. I’m not sure if it was the heat or the humidity or a combination of the both plus my 2+ weeks away from it that caused me/my body to react that way. It made me feel better because before service was over it started to rain pretty heavily…so it was the humidity. The rain was comforting for all of 7 seconds after which I realized I have no umbrella and that 7 block walk is waiting for me when service is over. At that point I started to pray that the rain would stop so that I could get home fairly dry. After service the rain lightened up and eventually stopped but on my way outside I realized that there was a pile up at the door because the water on all sides was at least ankle deep on all sides and in some places shin height. As I contemplated what to do a few basketball buddies of mines came up and convinced a guy with a pickup to drop us off on higher and hopefully drier ground. I didn’t realize how big of a deal that was until I saw shin deep waters for about 6 continuous streets and some people whom I was just in church with wading through the waters…definitely had a head shaking moment and thanked God for connections. 
My return has brought forth a new set of realizations, some of which I already knew, others which are fresh and stingy to an extent. I’ll share some 1) leadership is a lifestyle and a series of practices that when incorporated properly impact every aspect of your life. I say this after a conversation I had with someone around conformity. The gist of the conversation is that even when you know what is right it still requires significant strength of character and leadership ability to live among people that are doing it wrong and maintain your righteousness. With this analysis I had to review my own conformity to my surroundings and whether they were for the good or for the bad or even the ugly.
2) going right along with my 1st realization was the fact that I’ve become accustomed to the reality that I find myself living in or have been living in for the past year or so. The reality of life in the poorest country in the Western hemisphere…where joblessness is rampant and hope is often the most important but rarest thing to find. People will have hope for the next day but for the long haul and overall betterment of the country…it’s a faithful few that are looking to make a difference and believe that any type of change will be seen in their life time. Interestingly enough everybody wants it…I actually have a friend of mines who is waiting for me to help him correct a document for an organization of development for the community that he grew up in.
3) I’ve been or I feel like God has been speaking to me about faith since the new year and especially over the last few days through my readings in Our Daily Bread. (Big shout out at the folks at RBC that’ve been putting that together for all those years) I’m gonna end with this. Faith is what brings you through the hard times and gives you hope for a better tomorrow regardless of how dark today seems.
I need to remember that.

forgivness and forward progress

So I’m in the office and because it’s Monday they are a little slower to turn on the generator so I can get online and attend to my various responsibilities. We have our devotional and staff meetings on Monday’s and they usually run until about 10ish or so with all the communications. Today was no different. I arrived a little later today because of a miscommunication regarding my getting to the office and I was a little soured by the occurrence because it wasn’t the 1st time it happened. ..I imagine it may not be the last. After a conversation with the loan officer that often comes to get me…before the conversation I was already at peace with the situation, but after the conversation, which ended between the time I started writing this and before this sentence, I feel better. I realize that we are all human and capable of mistakes. When they asked Jesus how many times they should forgive their brother when he sins against them, His response was 7 times 77 times or approximately 540 times. I imagine that was said for multiple reasons, including to show how many times God forgives our sins, to humble the person who was asking the question, who probably felt good when he said up to7 times?, Jesus’ response was definitely a stinger to that guy. I imagine that there are few to no people that would actually keep track of those sins against them…I’d probably stop counting after about 18.
I had an interesting conversation with a missioner from the states last week about the different reality that exists out here. We visited a few associates that she and a group from her church sponsored through KIVA. We encountered three or four people who had varying amounts of money stolen from them as they were either purchasing or selling…indirectly I feel like they were asking us to give them money to help them repay the loan they have…”life is hard” was her response. Which she admittedly said was a little cold hearted but necessary to respond to the countless hardships that she witnesses regularly out here. The reality is that crying and handing everybody that has a hardship a $20 would rapidly deplete your bank account and probably would do little to resolve that person’s or people’s issue long term. I agree that there is a different feeling when you see the malnourished children on tv and you can change the channel and when you open your door and you see the innocent eyes of a two yr old looking up at you whose stomach looks like it’s going to cause her to tip over. I am not able to change my neighbors like I change channels in the states and the cute little girl lives across the hall.
I try not to give too much because they don’t usually ask and its offensive when people are giving things to you all the time. It turns you into a dependant and no parent wants to be a dependant in front of their children. I think I over stepped the boundary with them this morning actually…my door is in front of the stairs and the little boy, Fafa who is Casan’s older brother, Casan is the little girl with the long stomach, knocked on my door and asked for some toothpaste. I had just finished brushing mines and my 1st reaction/thought was that he had none at his house, so instead of giving them a little bit I had a tube that was unused/ un started and I gave them the tube. His mom, who was sitting next to the stairs said that’s not what she asked for but thanks anyways. It was afterwards, that I realized that she probably didn’t want to go back to their house to get the toothpaste. It’s an ongoing struggle to balance and not being exploited and not being cheap…
The electricity is on and I want to get to work. A la prochaine or until next time.

Gender relation reflections

I really thought that i posted this a while ago. My apologies and thank you to my faithful reader(s) who reminded me to not neglect this communication platform. For your reading pleasure…
The sociologist in me makes me want to do a comparative case study on gender equality in 3rd world countries. I say that because there have been fairly extensive studies done on gender equality in the U.S. and now living in a third world country I see how male-female relations are different than what I’m accustomed to seeing. There are things that I’ve seen done in office situations, not necessarily mines though being non exclusive, which would be viewed as sexual harassment in the states. The freeness or liberty of conversation is educational at times but also uncomfortable in a way.
Though there are American structures that seem a little cold and uninviting, it is what I’m accustomed to. The question arises of what is my place in my organization or in this society to challenge their way of doing things? Am I attempting to be a cultural dictator? Who am I to pass judgment and say their way of doing things is wrong? If we look at things from a business point of view you must be able to relate to all nations, especially when you are an international ONG, a bank, a school, or even a place of business. There are global standards that are respected and approved and these standards serve as a common ground for collaborations. In a country whose national motto is there is strength in unity (the flag reads “L’union fait la force” which was the aforementioned translation) there is a lack of unity…this lack is something that I could write about for days and give numerous examples on but that’s for another post.
For an organization of development I have seen firsthand the impact the loans and teachings have had…or I should say I’ve heard from the mouths of associates(clients) themselves. I’ve been told they have more self respect and feel more empowered because they have a sense responsibility and are not dependant on their husbands or family to provide for them. I not a feminists but I strongly acknowledge the value, intelligence, and ability of women. I’m not saying either sex is better than another but in many 3rd world and developing countries women are often viewed as inferior and I’m personally standing against that practice. Some of the greatest people I know are women, like my mom. Argue as you choose but I think she did a good job with me with a little help from my dad, of course.